The Overwhelmed Mom’s Guide to Spending Quality Time with Your Family
One of the biggest challenges working Christian moms face is how to balance God, family, work, ministry and all the other aspects of modern living. It’s easy to get overwhelmed, burned out and frustrated at the lack of hours in a day.
This frustration can lead to deep-rooted beliefs about your worth as a wife, mother and businesswoman. Maybe these beliefs manifest as mom guilt, feelings of inadequacy or a vortex of negative self-talk. Maybe you think you don’t do enough or aren’t enough for your family.
Shifting your perspective away from how much time you spend with your family to the type of time you spend with your family is critical for ensuring your family’s long-term success.
In this article, we’ll discuss what quality time is, why it’s important and how you take advantage of every opportunity to connect meaningfully and deeply with your family.
Need tools and resources to help you connect? Find out more at MommyThriveHQ!
Reframing Your Role
Before we get to the heart of this topic, let’s take a moment to remember what defines your true identity: your belief in Jesus Christ and the work He’s already done for you. Your identity is rooted in being God’s daughter, who God says we are.
Reframing your life in terms of your faith in Christ will help you step outside of the negative feelings your role as a wife and mother may be evoking.
It’s also important to keep in mind that while you are one of your children’s earthly parents, God is their Heavenly Father. He is the ultimate parent and He loves them more than you could ever fathom.
He will never leave them. Whether you’re at work or at home, your children are never truly alone.
Remembering that God is your children’s ultimate parent takes the burden off of you to be perfect. God is perfect and loves us perfectly. We can’t ever be God to our children. But we can be the parent God called and equipped us to be, even in all of our imperfections. It’s not about being who we think our children need, it’s about what God says our children need.
Find peace in the fact that God has your children in the palm of His hand and will direct their paths according to His good and perfect will for them.
What is Quality Time with Family?
Now that we’ve set the stage for your role in your children’s lives, let’s talk about quality time and what it is.
Put simply, quality time is time you set aside specifically for family togetherness. It focuses on creating meaningful connections with your husband and children through intentional, focused attention.
Quality time involves spending time together in activities that are enjoyable and engaging for each of you. This can include anything from playing board games to going out for ice cream or even just talking about life.
Quality time can but doesn’t have to include planned activities like vacations or day trips. You can spend meaningful time with your family through routine, everyday activities like eating, bedtime or devotions.
Quality time goes beyond just being in the same room together, but rather involves actively engaging and connecting with one another. You can be away on a business trip and still have quality time; similarly, you can be physically present with your family and not enjoy quality time.
Quality time is not about how long you spend with your family. Length does not equal quality. Quality time is about what you do that will have a lasting impact on your family’s well-being. Spending 20 minutes of meaningful time with your children can have more impact on their lives than 12 hours of time together while everyone is doing their own thing.
Ultimately, quality time is a powerful means of demonstrating love and care, going beyond mere words to action. It’s not about doing things for your family, but being present in the moment with them.
Below are some ways to conceptualize quality time and its place in your family.
Quality Time is Biblical
In Deuteronomy 6:6-7 the Bible encourages us to teach our children the Lord’s commands in everyday life (“And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” NLT).
These verses are pointing to the fact that raising children according to the Lord’s will requires actively creating space for teachable moments and incorporating His words into the time you spend together.
Proverbs 22:6 reminds us that if we direct our children “onto the right path…when they are older, they will not leave it.” The direction we provide as parents doesn’t happen by chance – it must be an intentional part of raising Godly children.
This direction is not possible if children don’t trust that you, as their parent, have their best interests at heart. So when Ephesians 6:4 reminds us not to “provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them” but to “bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord,” it’s a reminder that a healthy relationship with your children is essential for their spiritual growth.
Quality Time is Focused
One of the hallmarks of quality time is that it is time meant to be used just for your family. It’s being in the present without distractions like cell phones, TV and computers.
To count as quality time, everyone must be engaged and an active participant.
Quality Time is Meaningful
Quality time should be purpose-driven. This doesn’t mean that you have to spend all of your family’s quality time volunteering or going to church (though those are certainly excellent ways to spend time together).
It means that time in each other’s company should contribute to the overall spiritual and emotional health of your family. You should use your quality time to create deep family roots and meaningful memories that help shape your children’s lives.
Quality Time is Enjoyable
Having fun as a family is important for many reasons. When you can bond with your children over what they enjoy, you further grow your relationship with them.
You can also introduce your children to what you enjoy doing too!
Doing things together that are fun creates happy memories of shared events and family traditions.
Quality Time is Peaceful
The quality time you spend with your family shouldn’t be filled with arguments, fights and conflict. Instead, it should be a time when you and your family can enjoy each other’s company.
Consistently spending time together as a family can even reduce tension among family members.
Quality Time is in the Here and Now
Quality time must stay in the present. Instead of allowing your thoughts to be occupied by what needs to happen in the future or what has happened in the past, remain focused on the here and now..
You can do this by putting away sources of distraction, keeping your mind from wandering, and, ultimately, casting your care and concerns on the Lord instead of ruminating on them.
Enjoy this present moment with your husband and or children whether it’s short or long or whether it’s doing something they love that you don’t. You won’t regret the time you spend with your family.
Quality Time can Be Quick
Quality time doesn't have to be hours long; even small moments like reading stories before bedtime or taking walks around the neighborhood can make a big difference in strengthening family bonds over time.
Quality trumps quantity when it comes to spending meaningful moments with your kids—a few minutes spent talking one-on-one may mean more than hours spent at the park if you’re truly engaged during those times together.
Why is Quality Time Important?
Now that you have a better understanding of what quality time is, let’s turn to why it’s important. Below are several reasons why quality time is crucial for your family’s goals/vision, health and relationships.
Quality Time Encourages Spiritual Growth
As we saw above, Scripture indicates that Godly children are raised according to God’s Word and not by chance. When you nurture quality time, your children benefit significantly.
This is especially important when your children are older and experience outside pressures. Without being anchored strongly to their family, your children may be easily swayed by friends, trends and other negative influences. Family fosters character development and real-life situations that may require critical thinking or making difficult decisions when you are not around.
Quality Time Solidifies Relationships
The relationships you build within your family are meant to last through your lifetime and beyond. Spending quality time together is one way to help ensure that the roots you plant today grow into a strong tree.
By creating an environment that encourages communication, you can also better understand your husband's and children’s needs and feelings.
How Can You Spend Quality Time with Your Family?
Now that we’ve covered what quality time is and why it’s important, we’ll turn to strategies you can use today to begin spending more quality time with your family.
Decide What Quality Time Means To You and Your Family
What quality time involves varies from family to family. Maybe you love watching movies together. Maybe your family enjoys outdoor activities. Maybe you love to play board games together.
Whatever the activity, it’s important that it reflects the interests and personality of your family.
Align Quality Time with Your Family’s Vision
Ensuring that the time you spend together as a family aligns with your family vision helps you stay on track both with the consistency of family time and with continually striving toward your family’s shared goals.
(Click here to read more about the importance of creating a family vision.)
For example, if your family vision includes deepening your family’s relationship with God, volunteering at church, playing worship music in the car, or memorizing Bible verses together would align with your vision. If part of your family vision is to get outside more, doing activities like going for walks, having a picnic, or playing sports together helps you work toward your goal.
When defining and planning quality time, consider involving all members of the family in the process. This ensures that everyone is on the same page and feels invested in the time spent together.
Be Intentional with the Time You Spend as a Family
Being intentional doesn’t mean you have to plan family time, but it does mean that you need to establish boundaries for what family time involves. For example, you can establish a rule that no one is allowed to use a cell phone during family time or that everyone must be present and engaged in the activity.
Setting these boundaries helps to ensure that family time is focused and meaningful and that everyone is present and participating.
Being intentional about family time also creates a sense of consistency and structure, which makes it easier for everyone to prioritize and enjoy time together.
Making sure that family time is uninterrupted by your own external distractions demonstrates to your husband and children that you value family time and not just checking off another item on your to-do list.
Embrace Unexpected Time Together
Quality time can happen anywhere if you’re creative. Miss a flight? Turn that moment into a fun family sleepover at a nearby hotel. Run out of milk? Go on an epic quest together to get more.
By setting the tone for your children, you can teach them how to think positively and view potentially frustrating situations through new lenses.
Be Alert to Quality Time Opportunities
While it’s nice to plan special family events or turn everyday moments into quality time together, opportunities for spontaneous family time also arise frequently.
Take Care of Yourself
As a busy, overwhelmed mom, it’s essential that you take time to prioritize yourself and your needs. Taking care of yourself spiritually, physically and mentally will help you stay energized and healthy so you can continue providing love and support to your family.
There’s no award for being burned out. Avoid that by ensuring you’re around to spend time with your family and not laid up because you pushed too hard.
Incorporating Quality Time into Everyday Life
One of the best ways to begin spending quality time with your family is to consciously work it into the everyday fabric of your life. Below are some ideas for how to seize opportunities that may arise regularly for family time.
Have Daily Family Devotions
Whether you have your devotions at night or in the morning, making them a family activity not only instills healthy spiritual habits into your children, but creates an opportunity for shared quality time.
Family devotions are also a chance to tackle challenging topics that may arise as your children grow. Creating a safe place in the presence of the Lord for open family discussions enables your children to open up and seek your counsel.
Build Trust with Your Kids
Encouraging your children to trust you is important so they feel comfortable opening up. You don’t have to do something elaborate to create trust with your children. Just being there consistently to talk and listen through the ups and downs is enough to provide them with a safe space.
Eat Together
Instead of grabbing a banana on the way out of the door in the morning or multitasking with dinner and homework at night, see if you can set aside one meal a day to spend together. Eating one meal as a family is a simple, but effective way to elevate your family’s time together.
You can use the time to catch up on the day's events, bond over shared meals and strengthen family connections.
This also provides your family with an organic time for prayer, scripture reading and worship.
Include Everyone in Chores
Chores may not be high on the list of things to do for fun, but they can be something you do as a family. Planning who does what chores is in itself a family activity.
Splitting up the tasks, working together as a team and finishing something tangible (even if it’s just folding a basket of laundry) can all contribute to a sense of accomplishment.
Plus your house might be just a little cleaner with the extra hands on deck.
Turn Bedtime into Family Time
Bedtime is another natural segue into quality time when it becomes a routine. Winding down, reading a story or cuddling before sleep are all great ways to end the day as a family.
Start a New Hobby
Starting a new hobby as a family can also be a great way to spend quality time together. This can involve something as simple as playing a game or as elaborate as learning a new sport.
Get Active Together
Being active doesn’t necessarily mean exercise, especially for younger kids. But spending time moving together not only benefits your whole family, it helps instill healthy habits in your children for when they’re older.
To make it fun, turn active time into a game. Whether it’s a traditional game like soccer, hide and seek, pillow fights or a made-up game like sock wrestling, you can turn movement into quality family time that everyone enjoys.
Go Shopping Together
Instead of a chore, grocery shopping can be a time when your family bonds. Creating a list, planning the trip, and finding everything (not to mention bagging and unloading) are all parts of shopping that your family can enjoy together.
In short, the ideas above are all great ways to make family time a regular part of your daily routine. It's important to remember that quality time with your family doesn't always have to involve big events or elaborate plans. Sometimes, it's the simple, everyday moments that can be the most meaningful and memorable.
Keep Momentum Going
Until spending quality time with your family has become a habit, it can be difficult to keep the momentum going after a lively night together or an adventurous outing. There are a couple of ways to keep the positivity going even after the fun.
One way to keep the good times coming is to plan for the next time right away.
Another way to ensure your family spends quality time together routinely is to do a debrief of some of your past planned events. Ask what everyone liked, disliked, and would do differently. Get your children on board for family time by involving them in the discussion and planning.
Keeping your family time regular creates consistency within the family dynamic and allows for deeper interactions. Whether it’s a special weekly dinner at home or monthly outings like picnics in the park, having something scheduled ahead of time ensures that everyone has something to look forward to.
Use your family time to remember past family times by creating a shared memory book or photo album. This allows you to commemorate special moments, relive particularly good memories and enjoy your family’s unfolding journey. Consider including photos, notes to each other, and other creative touches like drawings and favorite scriptures.
Finally, making sure to acknowledge each other's contributions to the family at large can cultivate ongoing closeness within your family.
Quality is Better than Quantity
Quality time is almost always better than quantity when it comes to spending time with your family. Quality time allows you to focus on the moment and really connect with your husband and/or child in meaningful ways, rather than just going through the motions of an activity.
When you shift toward quality time, you create opportunities to build strong bonds within your family that will last for years to come.
Spending quality time with your children shows them that they are important to you and that every moment spent together is special. This kind of attention can help boost their self-esteem and confidence as well as create lasting memories that will stay with them forever.
Quality time also allows parents to be more present in their children’s lives, which can lead to better communication between both parties. When parents are actively involved in their kids’ activities, they can provide guidance and support while also being there if any issues arise during those moments together.
This kind of involvement helps foster trust between parent and child so they feel comfortable talking about anything without fear or judgment from either side.
Quality time with family is essential for building strong relationships and creating lasting memories. Even more important, it’s one of the cornerstones of a Godly family that seeks to do the Lord’s will.
Quality time is also an investment in your child’s future that can reap dividends over time. By ensuring your children are raised in a Godly, loving, healthy environment, you’re setting them up to be Godly, loving, healthy adults.
Next Steps for Making Quality a Reality
In this article we discussed quality time and why it’s important for your family’s spiritual, relational, and communication growth.
If you struggle with mom guilt, doubts about your maternal abilities, or invasive thoughts comparing yourself to others, remember to reframe your mindset around your role first as a child of God and disciple of Jesus. Grounding your identity in Him above all else puts the rest of your life and your place in this world into perspective.
Whatever time you have to spend with your family can be quality time if you’re intentional, free of distractions and fully engaging with everyone. By deliberately setting aside time for your family, you can help them grow into strong Christians with a solid foundation for their own families.
Ready to take the next step? Join a community of like-minded moms at MommyThriveHQ.