Family Vision Planning: Creating a Shared Sense of Purpose
Where there is no vision, the people perish - Proverbs 29:18
Do you want a family life that’s pleasing to God and promotes household harmony? Are you tired of running out of time, patience, and energy for the people you love most in the world? Are you scared of your children being exposed to harmful influences?
If so, you need a family vision.
In this article, we explore what a family vision is, why it’s an important tool for ensuring your family succeeds, and how to begin the process of creating your own family vision.
What is a Family Vision?
A family vision is a crystal clear, panoramic view of your family’s ideal future. It defines your shared goals, roles, and behaviors.
A family vision is a tool that incorporates planning, mission, and top-priority goals into the everyday life of your family.
Here’s an example of the outcomes of a well-executed family vision:
All members of the family have a close and vibrant walk with the Lord
Each member demonstrates unconditional love, acceptance, and care for one another
Lines of communication are open and clear
Each family member is growing in spiritual discernment to be able to sift truth from error, light from darkness, honesty from deception
In place of sibling rivalry, there is teamwork which builds each other up
Parents are cultivating their children’s gifts and talents to prepare them for success
Family members apologize to and forgive each other with no abiding resentment
These are just a few of the many potential results of developing and implementing a sound vision for your family.
To summarize,
a family vision is a clear picture of your family’s desired culture, future, and goals as well as a plan for bringing those desires to fruition.
Why is a Family Vision Important?
A family vision can offer each member purpose and direction. Instead of questioning your place in your family, you know your role, where you fit in the bigger picture, and how you contribute to the larger whole.
By mapping out your family vision, you’re creating a framework for setting goals, making decisions and facing any hardships that arise.
Being vision-oriented is vital in the face of our reactive age where so many people just "go with the flow," live by default, and are easily swayed by new fads or trends.
Keep reading for more specific ways a family vision can safeguard your family and help each member become a God-fearing, grounded person.
A Family Vision Fosters Communication
Disharmony, conflict, and arguments are a symptom of failed communication. By ensuring that your family vision is in place and that each member of the family has contributed to it, you can help ward off negative feelings and encourage healthy, positive interactions.
The very act of creating a family vision, done right, can encourage open and honest communication as you discuss and agree upon your shared plan for the future.
By including in your family vision a way to resolve conflict and address differing points of view, you can intentionally create a structure for ongoing success.
Your Child’s First Experience of Something is the Most Influential
The first time your brain hears something is what you consider to be the truth of that subject.
This is extremely important for parents because it’s our job to live and teach our children truth according to the Word of God. We should be the ones having conversations with our children around difficult and everyday topics so that their peers, the media, or some other source doesn’t give them a false sense of truth.
A Family Vision Protects Your Family from Negative External Influences
With a solid family vision, you can direct your family ship away from dangerous waters and equip your family to face whenever a storm arises. This is especially true in the face of external stressors – work, school, friends, pop culture – that have the potential to wreck your ship before it’s built.
A family vision offers a strong sense of identity and purpose, something that is often absent in modern families. When all members of your family feel secure in their place, you can help each other develop the tools needed to rebuff external influences that might otherwise trip you up.
A shared vision helps your family become a defense against the world while instilling the Biblical values you cherish.
A Family Vision Protects Your Family from Internal Chaos
Sadly, some families bring more harm than good to their members whether it is intentional or not. Instead of a place of safety from the world, family can wreak havoc on its members’ spiritual, emotional, and even physical well-being.
If you don’t have a family vision in place, you put your family in danger of sentiment outweighing wisdom or emotion displacing reason. This can lead to chaos, infighting, and recrimination.
If instead, your family is guided by agreed-upon principles and goals, you can come together when a threat arises, instead of being torn apart.
If unity is a goal for God’s people, as Psalm 133:1 extols (“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” NIV), then your family, as an earthly reflection of God’s family should also seek unity. A family vision helps you achieve that.
A Family Vision Helps Navigate Difficult Decisions
When you and your family are aligned around a central vision, the time you spend together becomes more meaningful. This is partly because a family vision promotes peace and goodwill among each member of the family.
Time together is also the product of deciding to be in each other’s company and an agreement of what to do.
For example, if you decide as a family that it’s important for you to go away on a vacation next summer, you’ve planned ahead for a time of bonding, fun and time together. And the very process of planning becomes as meaningful as the event itself.
But family time doesn’t have to mean vacations; you can create meaningful family moments by intentionally setting aside time to just be together (without external distractions like cell phones). Sometimes family moments occur without planning as normal parts of our day and everyday conversations, such as driving to and from school or preparing for bed.
By carving out time meant just for your family, you can build a lifetime of memories for you, your spouse, and your children. As you incorporate your family vision into your daily living, you will begin to notice more and more family moments.
A Family Vision Promotes Strong Relationships
It’s saddening to learn of family members who part ways over seemingly insignificant squabbles. And, while there’s no way to guarantee your family will always remain in touch, creating a family vision lays the groundwork for lifetime relationships.
When every member of your family has a forum to feel heard, understood, loved, and appreciated, your family can grow together (instead of apart).
Furthermore, by using the creation of your family’s vision as a relationship-building tool, you can cement your family’s ties in ways not available through other methods.
A Family Vision Creates Lifelong Memories
When you and your family are aligned around a central vision, the time you spend together becomes more meaningful. This is partly because a family vision promotes peace and goodwill among each member of the family.
Time together is also the product of deciding to be in each other’s company and an agreement of what to do.
For example, if you decide as a family that it’s important for you to go away on a vacation next summer, you’ve planned ahead for a time of bonding, fun, and time together. And the very process of planning becomes as meaningful as the event itself.
But family time doesn’t have to mean vacations; you can create meaningful family moments by intentionally setting aside time to just be together (without external distractions like cell phones).
By carving out time meant just for your family, you can build a lifetime of memories for yourself, your spouse, and your children.
How to Plan Your Family’s Vision
By now, you’re hopefully convinced that a family vision is a vital tool for ensuring your family’s spiritual, emotional, and relational well-being. But, how can you actually plan your own family’s vision?
Here are some pointers on creating your own family vision.
Step 1: Begin with Yourself
Spend some time in solitude. Through prayer, fasting, and meditation on both Scripture and devotional resources, consider your character. Ask yourself these questions:
What kind of person does God want me to be?
What kind of spouse?
What kind of parent?
What kind of disciple?
What kind of professional?
Jot your answers down and ask your spouse to do the same.
Step 2: Include Your Spouse
Share your personal vision with your spouse and let him share his with you. Work through each area and make sure you’re on the same page about your individual vision before moving on to your marriage vision.
Consider a few of the sample questions below when creating a vision for your marriage:
What kind of partners does God want us to be in relation to each other?
What does our ideal relationship look like?
How will we resolve conflicts between us that might arise?
How can we strengthen our relationship with God as a couple? How can we strengthen the other’s relationship with God as an individual?
What can we do together to strengthen our relationship with each other?
What kind of parents do our children need us to be?
What do we want for our children?
The actual process of developing a vision for yourself and with your spouse is every bit important as the product itself. It takes time, patience, and the willingness to revisit it on a regular basis.
Any hastily assembled vision for yourself and your marriage is likely to fall flat. Vision involves change and personal growth, which don’t come easily or quickly. You must develop new habits and thought patterns. You might have to shift priorities or reorient your life back to God.
Step 3: Involve All Additional Family Members
Once you and your spouse have created a vision for your marriage, it’s time to involve the rest of your family.
A vision mandated from the top down, i.e. from parents to kids, won’t convey to your children that you hear and value their opinions. Rules without context for how they support the family’s future leads to frustration and even anger.
Creating a family vision with your children demonstrates genuine parental leadership instead of authoritarianism.
To help shape your family’s shared vision, here are some sample questions you can ask your children:
What kind of child does God want me to be?
What do I need from my parents to live a godly and fulfilled life?
How can we resolve family conflicts in a godly way?
What activities can we do to strengthen our relationships with each other?
What does a normal day look like?
How should we respond to challenges?
Making sure you and your family are on the same page regarding critical matters related to identity, spirituality, and unity requires some time and effort, but the ongoing benefits to your family now and in the future are worth the investment.
10 Elements of Planning a Successful Family Vision
You’re sold on the importance of a family vision and maybe you’ve started putting one together for your own family.
At this point, you might be asking yourself how to make sure your family vision is successful.
Below are some elements that make a family vision more likely to succeed.
#1: Your Family Vision Must be God-Centered
In order for your family vision to succeed, it must be centered around God and His will for your family. By orienting your family vision accordingly, you can provide a strong foundation and sense of purpose for your family.
Focusing on God above all else creates a sense of unity and provides a source of strength outside of your family’s human capacities.
#2: Your Family Vision Must Take Others Into Consideration
IInstilling in your children an attitude of service towards others equips them to build healthy relationships both within your family and outside it.
By mirroring how we, as Christians, are called to love and serve others within your family, you can help your children practice that love and servitude in all aspects of life.
First, it’s important for your children to love themselves. As children of God made in His image, it’s critical for your children to understand their self-worth and love themselves.
Once your children understand their value and where it comes from, they can practice loving others.
#3: Your Family Vision Must be Biblical
Turning to the ultimate source of truth may seem obvious when creating your family vision, but the Bible doesn’t include a book just on familial relationships.
Instead, we must extract and apply Biblical principles on what a family is, how families should function and the ways we should treat ourselves and our family members.
Some examples of principles to consider when creating your family vision are:
Putting God first (Matthew 6:33)
Trusting God (Psalm 37:3-5)
Accepting God’s peace (Ephesians 4:2-3)
Loving each other (Romans 12:10)
Supporting each other (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
Being quick to forgive (Ephesians 4:32)
Creating a solid family vision is also a way to practice godly living and to bring each family member closer to God.
Some examples of Biblical principles that could be incorporated into a family vision might include love, compassion, forgiveness, selflessness and obedience to God. It is important for each family to prayerfully consider how they can incorporate Biblical principles into their own unique family vision.
#4: Your Family Vision Must Be Unique to Your Family
Just like every person has their own fingerprint, each family situation is different. Your family vision should reflect your family’s goals, priorities, needs and realities.
Your profession, background, education, upbringing, beliefs and even location can all impact your family dynamic. While being Christ-centered is critical for a family vision to work, how this focus manifests differs from one family to the next.
Your family may not enjoy spending time together in the way another family loves to. Your family may want to vacation in a place another family finds too hot or too cold or too sunny or too cloudy.
Catering your family vision for your family’s preferences and unique situation offers the best chance of success.
#5: Your Family Vision Must be Shared and Agreed Upon
Unless each member of the family is involved in the family vision creation process, it’s not really a family vision. Not only does participation help everyone to feel heard and respected, it’s more likely that your vision will succeed because it’s not a tool used to bend others against the strongest family member’s will.
When everyone offers input, it’s more likely that a family vision will be meaningful, impactful, and relevant to all family members.
#6: Your Family Vision Must Be Understandable
A family vision is useless if everyone who’s old enough doesn’t understand what it is, what it says, or what its purpose is. Everyone should be able to communicate what your family vision is and why it’s part of your family’s fabric.
When your family vision is understandable and communicable, it can serve as a reference point when decisions, conflict, or major life events arise. It also helps your children understand why you may make certain decisions and give them a framework to use when making their own decisions.
#7: Your Family Vision Must Be Comprehensive & Relevant
In order for your family vision to have real impact within your family, it must cover every aspect of family life. This includes covering topics like:
How your family will honor God
Your family’s core beliefs
Steps you’ll take to nurture spiritual growth
What professional and educational goals are important for each family member
Your family’s financial priorities and goals
Ways you’ll stay healthy and well
Relationship building within the family
How to resolve conflict
What happens when family members make choices that do not please God and align with the family vision
By planning ahead around major life events (like a new job, graduation or college) and putting a framework in place to handle day-to-day interactions, your family vision can be a powerful tool for ongoing family unity and peace.
Your family vision is like a GPS. In addition to being comprehensive, your family vision must also be relevant. To keep your family vision up-to-date, it’s important to review it routinely with your family and modify it as needed.
Consider determining now how frequently you’ll update your family vision (3 months, 6 months, yearly, etc). If each family is involved in the decision around how often to revisit your family’s vision, it’s more likely that you’ll hold each other accountable for this exercise
#8: Your Family Vision Must Define Each Member’s Role and Expectations
If no one in your family understands what their role is and what it involves, how can they meet that role’s expectations?
As a mom, do you know your role in the family? Does your husband know his? Your children?
Your role isn’t just what your responsibilities and to-dos are. It’s about identifying each individual’s strengths and allowing them to use those strengths for the family good.
For example, if one of your children is exceptionally positive and one tends to be more negative, you can assign the positive child the role of family cheerleader and the more negative child the role of discernment. One can support the family emotionally and the other can help decide if decisions make sense.
This is just one example among many, but defining each member’s role and expectations within the context of your family vision provides a tangible way for your family to succeed.
#9: Your Family Vision Must Be Future-Oriented
Having a family mission statement (i.e. a short creed that describes what your family believes) is a good example of now versus later.
A mission statement is a great tool for reminding your family what you stand for, but it’s more of a snapshot than a long-term tool for solidifying your family’s relationship with God, each other, and others.
A family mission statement is like a plan for how the family will act right now.
Instead of a snapshot of today, your family vision should be future-facing. It should include goals, aspirations, and plans. It should be a compass that directs your day-to-day life so that your family accomplishes what it sets out to do and becomes who it wants to become.
A family vision helps your family members see what they want to become in the future, which can include years or even generations from now. The vision is about the future and is hopeful. It can include things like what values you want your kids to have, the kind of life you want to live, or what you want to be remembered for.
In this regard, your family vision can be the source of unity and common purpose within your family. It can offer drive and motivation. It can create an optimistic view of the future.
# 10: Your Family Vision Must be Relationship-Centered
A family vision that is more focused on relationships over tasks is more likely to succeed than one that emphasizes to-dos. By nurturing your family’s bonds, each member will be more likely to do his or her part because of mutually shared affection, respect, and love.
Building a family vision around relationships can also extend into your community. When your children see compassion, empathy, and generosity routinely practiced within the home, they can share those positive traits beyond your family to others they encounter.
Your Family’s Future
The ultimate goal of any family vision is to ensure your children are equipped to enter the world as God-fearing, capable adults who will bring Christ’s love to the world.
When you create a vision that is Biblically based, God-centered, and relational, you help create a healthy, loving environment for you, your spouse, and your children. What better gift is there?
If you’re ready to create a family vision but aren’t sure where to start, click here to work with me.
